Declaration of Duck Taping

Creation of the Declaration

The Declaration of Duck Taping was written by YellowUbi after it was decided that repeatedly duck taping newbs to trees was abusive and inhumane. There are currently two editions of the Declaration of Duck Tape: the original one, and the revised one.

Synopsis

The Declaration of Duck Taping states that, because Duck Taping was no longer a fun tradition but an abusive sport, newbs may only be duck taped to the Sleepy Town Tree once by only one player, and that the duck taper can only use as much duck tape as there is on one roll.

Declaration of Duck Tape

When, in the course of random events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the numerous shiny silver bands which have taped them with the Sleepy Town Tree, and to assume among the insane llama lleaders of the Land of Whilso, the separate and equal station to which the laws of World Wide Web and of World Wide Web’s Kahlem entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of llamakind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the ceasing of repetitive Duck Taping.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all llama lleaders are created equal, that they are endowed by Kahlem with certain unalienable rights, that among these are humming, befriending, and the pursuit of predators. That to secure these rights, moderators are instituted among lleaders, deriving their just powers from the consent of the moderated. That whenever any tradition becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the lleaders to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new moderation, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their fun and randomness. Reason, indeed, will dictate that traditions long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that lleaders are more disposed to reason, while reason is sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of duck tapers, pursuing invariably the same Newbs evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such tradition, and to provide new traditions for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these Newbs; and such is now the necessity, which constrains them to alter their former systems of tradition. The history of the present duck tapings is a history of annoyance, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute power over these llama lleaders. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our modification of tradition, and hold them, as we hold the rest of llama lleaders, trolls in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the Land of Whilso, in Humm Boards, assembled, appealing to the Moderators of the Land of Whilso for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these Humm Boards, solemnly publish and declare, that this tradition is altered; that it is no longer satisfactory to duck tape a newb more than once, and that all tape between them and the Sleepy Town tree ought to only fit in one roll of duck tape; and that as free and independent newbs, they have full power to take off the duck tape, lick the duck tape, eat the duck tape, make a statue of an ostrich out of the duck tape, and to do all other acts and things which independent newbs may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our revised tradition, our shiny silver duck tape and our sacred Sleepy Town Tree.